Well, now that I've had a nap, I'm feeling a little more logical. There's still an annoying ache in my temple right beside my eye, but I'm willing to bet it's allergy-related, and some benadryl will kill it. (That sound you hear is me popping some pills.) But yeah. Now that I've had some sleep, I don't really feel like doing my reading right now. I'll have to finish it tomorrow after I hand in my portfolio. However, there are a few things I've been stewing over for a while, and I really think I need to get them off my chest. (Yes, you are about to read a rant of sorts. Please stop reading now if you don't want to hear it. Continuing can be hazardous to your health. Some Most of this is whiny and immature.) I would just like to state that all of this is not directed towards one specific person, as much as an fyi. Yes, I'm hoping that about three people will understand my points without getting too angry with me, but chances are, once I get all of this out, I won't be upset any longer anyway, because that's the way my brain works. P.S. This is probably going to be long, but I'm also probably not going to put it behind a cut, because it's been a good long while since I wrote a really long post that wasn't a fic.
I go through phases. Yes, this makes me a little flighty at times, and I'm sorry for that. I've got the attention span of a hummingbird on crystal meth, and I'm okay with that. It makes life more interesting and enjoyable for me, and sometimes also for the people around me. This means that sometimes, I am not going to want to do the same old thing ad nauseum. This means that sometimes, I am going to want to do things that are strange and different. This means that sometimes, I am going to be a hyperactive little nitwit. This means that sometimes, I am going to be as unpredictable as a June thunderstorm (WHICH I WISH WE WOULD JUST FUCKING GET). I realize that this creates problems for the people around me, and part of me would like to apologize for that. I'm not going to though. Because I'm not going to pretend that the fact that I'm creating problems for others doesn't create problems for me too.
[Brief interlude during which I make myself some ramen]
Okay, where was I? Ahhh, yes. Ranting. Another thing that I feel must be addressed, though it is even more childish than the previous item is the fact that I realize I'm not perfect. I don't know everything, and I would never claim to. However, there are a few select things that I would like to pride myself in my knowledge of them. This means that when I am questioned about them, I'm going to get a little uptight, and do my damnedest to prove myself right. I try not to be too stubborn when I'm proved wrong about some things, but for the gods sakes, I'm not wrong all the time! (I hope.) I'm not sure that makes sense, so let me reiterate. I don't mind being proven wrong, but there are a few things that I would Love for people not to argue with me about. I am going to cite my friend Jon at this point, because he's probably the best at this. He loves a good argument...LOVES it. Honestly, I love arguing back. However, he also knows my boundaries, and he's pretty good about not crossing them. He bows down to my area of what I will loosely deem "expertise", and I do the same for him. Some of the arguments we have are about pointless topics, and that's just fine, because he's not being relentless about topics that he knows I will get really angry about. And now I'm going to quit while I think I'm ahead, and move on.
I nearly forgot what I was going to say next. But I've remembered! I do not gloat about my possessions. Not usually. It's just stuff. Pretty stuff, but just stuff, and there's so much more of it out there that it's pretty inconsequential in the long run. I may mention said stuff in a conversaton that relates to it, or just after I acquire said stuff, because it is something that it would make sense for me to say. I do not go around stating the fact that I own nine anime series and three and a half movies to anyone who will listen (even though technically I just did), because quite frankly, it's not really important. It's not like I'm spoiled rotten, and have all the money in the world. I'm actually quite poor right now, as anyone who speaks to me regularly would know. Therefore, when I say that I am planning to buy 234,235 things and a tattoo, it's more me saying, "This is what I wish I could do right now, and will probably occur very slowly, one thing at a time." It is not something I intend in a "I'm going to show you up" sort of way, because honestly, I know that other people have other stuff that I don't have, and that's cool.
Next, it annoys me when I have to show interest in something that I have no interest in. Eventually I will stop pretending that I am interested. The result is, you get one word replied, because I do not want to be rude and rather obviously change the subject. I'm not actually sure which is ruder, but creating conflict is something that I don't like doing. This is why I can understand why people don't actually come out and tell me when they're angry with me, because honestly, these things I've been getting off my chest have been a while coming, and I was too afraid to actually address them to the people that they concern. (Yes, Andrea Skelly is a coward. Go figure.) I'm afraid to hurt people's feelings, and because of that, there's no guarantee that I'll even post this. It does irritate me when people won't come out and tell me when I'm doing something wrong, but then I suck at it too, so I'm a little hypocritical, I guess. Or a lot. Whatever.
Okay, that's it. Before I alienate people that I don't want to alienate, because I love them. There are other things I'd like to say, but I'm not going to, because they are even more immature than this. Please don't hate me too much...
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